In this month’s mailbag, the advice comes from Skye Eddy Bruce, founder of the Soccer Parenting Association. She’s a former multisport athlete (track and field, cross country, soccer) and was a youth All-American soccer player before playing Division I college soccer. Soccer Parenting believes a strong and supportive community of level-headed and like-minded parents and coaches will inspire players and best serve player development.
My son is 12 and burned out with competitive soccer. I believe that it all started with a bad experience with a coach and he just didn’t feel valued and heard. How do you recommend that I proceed so that he doesn’t quit sports?
Danny Fajardo
Finding a coach and developmental environment you trust that also meets the desires and needs of your child is a sports parents’ number one responsibility. Follow your instincts. More than anything we want our children to remain active and healthy.
Skye Eddy Bruce
While forcing a child to participate in a specific sport if they are not up for it will likely backfire, you can make a family rule that a healthy extra-activity is required in your household. When my daughter wanted to stop playing soccer, we did just that. After a couple of seasons of softball on a team with an excellent coach who cared about the players both athletically and individually, she made her way back to soccer on her own terms.
Right now, my 8-year-old son plays every game well. How will I know which is best suitable for him? Which sport should we choose as his career?
Jyothi Alagawadi
I think it’s really important parents remain very open minded when it comes to the developmental process for their child. Ultimately, our children need to be in control of their sporting experience and so the decision really should be up to him once he is further along developmentally – around 12-14 years old.
While our sporting structures often make it seem like the adults must rush things along for the children, a multisport experience with excellent coaching, strong friendships and multimovement activities should be your number one priority at this age (well, all ages!). It’s also extremely important to keep a level head as the parent of what appears to be an “early developer.”
Too often these children get so much praise and positive feedback from coaches and parents at an early age that their identity gets intertwined with their athleticism. Then later, when the “late developers” catch up and they receive less attention and praise, they unfortunately find themselves frustrated and stop playing.
Why are recreation sports no longer the foundation to establish our leaders of tomorrow?
George Hale
I think recreation sports continue to be a fantastic option for young people! Is there room for improvement? Definitely. That being said, until parents educate themselves about youth development and fully understand what a positive sporting experience looks like for children, we won’t see the improvements our children need.
As parents, we need to hold clubs and sporting associations accountable to providing value-driven programming for all children with guidelines around playing time, coach expectations and parent behavior. As parents, we need to be sure the courts and fields are a welcoming place for all children, regardless of their athletic potential or mentality by ensuring the sidelines always remain supportive for all players. At Soccer Parenting, we encourage parents to let their behaviors be guided by the Soccer Parent Value Statements: Love of the Game, Coach Integrity, Balanced Outlook, Soccer Knowledge, Active Health and Life Lessons.